.Happy New Year cyber folks.
I was reminiscing a little, looked through a little in my couple blog with my ex-es. Apparently, life repeats in a cycle. I took my boyfriends for granted, I feel insecure, I wanted attention, love, needs fulfilled. I said I want to love you, looks like I’ve been saying that for a while now already.
2015, I didn’t knew what is love. I asked, but never really given. I was selfish, all I wanted was my convenience.
Love ; is really about bringing ease to your partner, thinking for your partner & doing things for him/her.
I’ve experienced this so called love from a suitor recently. It hit me so hard that I felt like I was some selfish bitch. Were you at that receiving end of my selfishness? Was how I felt then, how you felt always?
At least, that’s when I know, he didn’t love me like he confessed that he did. He just wanted me. Wanted me around conveniently when he needed someone to talk, wanted me around to always have someone to go out with, wanted me around to show him the love & concern as a partner.
How I know? Because that was what I wanted.
Thank you for this ambiguity, this i-don’t-know if we’re still together or really broken up. It gave me space & time to learn how to be alone and love myself properly. While knowing that you’re still there giving me a hand when needed.
Thank you for spending the last moment of 2015 with me, and thank you for ushering in 2016 with me, in bus overseeing the fireworks at Marina Bay Floating Platform. I do still feel your love towards me, this taking an extra step and helping me in work and in life.
I do still want to love you. But I hope this form of love, is the kind that really radiates happiness & glow from within you. Like how happy you were when you were chasing me and when we were initially together. That joy that I see from you, is priceless.
& I’ve learnt, there’s no point in hiding and fearing. Stand up for yourself, your rights, your desires.